Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
