I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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