Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
