just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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