They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
