Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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