My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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