Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
