So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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