I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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