So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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