two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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