he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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