Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
