just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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