Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
