there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
