Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
