Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
