He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
