i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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