well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
