I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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