my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
