i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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