I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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