This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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