shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We are two peas in an std pod
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
