6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
