Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
