He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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