You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
