you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
