i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
