Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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