you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
