so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
