Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
