She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
