and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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