Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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