I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize