1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
