It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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