His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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