Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
