just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
