My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
