I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
