Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
