Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So squirting runs in the family.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
