My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
