Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
