Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
