I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
