It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
