Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
