Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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