wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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