Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
