I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
