I am puke
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
