Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
