She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
