She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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