Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
