I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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