i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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