i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
