a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
