I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
