Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
