We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
