Your tits are I can't wait for
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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