From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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