i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
