I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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