You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize