last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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