in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
