i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
sex in a hospital.. check
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
